These Ugly Thoughts
by RockDiva
Summary: After Nico makes a slight joke, Tawni starts obsessing over her weight. But will he or the others realize it before she develops a full blown eating disorder? -Tawnico-
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**:

I came up with the idea for this story (sorry if there's a similar plot already on this section as I don't read all fanfictions) after my younger sister made the comment that Tawni is shown eating a lot or likes to eat (_Three's Not Company_, _Promises, Prom-misses_, potato skins in _With a Chance of Dating_, etc.) She thought maybe they tried to make her look bigger so that Demi would look smaller (a ploy used often in Hollywood between the lead and supporting characters), but I'm not going to get into that, because I'd love to look like either one of them, lol, so I don't think it really matters either way.

The following story involves the theme of eating disorders. I am by no means trying to make light of the matter because my best friend struggled with an eating disorder for many years, but the good thing is, there's always hope for those struggling and she has now recovered. Ugly thoughts will always be there, insecurities come and go, but as Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." Not even you can make yourself feel inferior if that's not what you want. Of course, I realize it's usually easier said than done.

Amidst the drama of the story's plot, this will also be a Tawnico (TawnixNico) story.

Disclaimer - I don't own _Sonny With A Chance_. As if you didn't know that, right?

**

* * *

Chapter 1**

Sonny, Tawni, Nico, Grady and Zora sat at their usual lunch table in the studio's commissary. Each poked at their food unenthusiastically. "You would think that they'd give celebs better food than this," Grady said, eliciting agreements from all of them.

"Since when do we act like celebs?" Sonny followed with a question. "We're above being the typical Hollywood teen stars," she motioned towards the Mackenzie Falls cast as if to make her point.

"At least their food looks edible," Nico answered. "Oh well, let them eat their…" he raised his voice so the drama snobs could clearly overhear the conversation, "…high calorie food. At least we'll stay looking good for the camera." Everyone else at the table let their eyes grow wide and tried not to laugh as they watched the Mackenzie Falls cast slowly begin to analyze what they were eating. After about five minutes of talking amongst themselves, Chad and his fellow cast members grabbed only their salads and left the commissary and the rest of the food where it had been. "I can't believe that actually worked," Nico said in amused disbelief.

"Who cares, let's eat!" Sonny led the charge over to the abandoned food, the others following without giving it a second thought.

"Wow! Who knew the lunch ladies could cook like this," Tawni said excitedly as she grabbed something of everything for her plate, taking small bites here and there as she did.

"Dang, Tawni. Not even going to wipe and gloss? I'm impressed," Nico joked in regards to Tawni's sometimes ridiculous need to look her best at all times, proving she was more like the typical Hollywood teen stars, Sonny previously mentioned, than any of the others. "But, uh, if you eat all that, we might not all be looking our best for the camera," he joked again, not meaning anything by it, seeing as his own plate was filled up with almost twice that as Tawni's.

"Haha, Nico," Tawni spat sarcastically, but then began eyeing her plate more thoughtfully as they sat down. After all, he made a good point. She couldn't risk destroying the career she'd worked so long to create. Suddenly, she decided she wasn't as hungry as she thought, but she wasn't about to let Nico think it was because of what he'd said. Thinking quickly, she covered her mouth overdramatically, "Okay, one of those bites most definitely did not agree with the other," she acted as though she were going to get sick.

"Oh, now that is just nasty," Nico and Grady both covered their food in case of a sudden projectile of unwanted vomit. However, Tawni quickly ran out of the commissary allowing them to uncover their food again.

"You know, Nico," Sonny said thoughtfully after they'd been eating a while, "if I know Tawni, maybe you shouldn't have been so harsh about how much food she had on her plate." Sonny was glad she wasn't one to worry about her weight to an extreme degree, but then again, she knew every girl was prone to worry at least once every now and then about what others thought. And Tawni was probably one of those girls and then some in comparison to someone as levelheaded as herself.

"Relax, Sonny," Grady covered for his friend before Nico had a chance to himself. "I'm sure Tawni knew Nico was just messing around. Besides, Tawni thinks she's the most beautiful person in the world. I doubt something like that would get to her."

Still, Sonny's words had gotten through to Nico despite what Grady had said. Now that he thought about it, he did feel a little guilty for implying that she was a pig or something. While Sonny talked idealistically, he knew that they were all celebs just the same and Tawni was the most catered to acting like the ones over on Mackenzie Falls when given the opportunity. "Maybe I should go see how she is, you know, to make up for what I said," Nico excused himself, taking a chicken wing with him as he did.

"Wow, I didn't think he'd actually feel guilty," Sonny and Grady exchanged astonished glances. "I was just thinking out loud really."

"Nah, he probably just wanted an excuse to get great blackmail footage of Tawni in her most pitiful hour," Zora suggested maniacally.

"Yeah, that's it," Grady rolled his eyes as he and Sonny looked at Zora like she was crazy.

-----oOo-----

There was a soft knock on Tawni's and Sonny's dressing room door. "Hey, Tawni, you in there?" Nico heard someone moving around inside and suspected it was Tawni coming to let him in. After a few moments, longer than Nico had expected it to take, Tawni finally opened the door. "Feeling better?" he asked as he came in.

"Um, yeah," she answered, realizing what he meant.

"That's good. Thought you might get hungry again since you just up chucked your food and all, so here," he held out the chicken wing.

She eyed it curiously and then looked at Nico hesitantly before taking it from him. "Thanks, Nico," she tried to sound grateful.

Nico noticed her uneasiness and felt the guilt return. "Look, Tawni, I didn't mean what I said back in the lunchroom."

"What do you mean?" she asked, pretending like she had forgotten.

"Well, you know. I shouldn't have implied that you were eating too much. I know girls get sensitive about that stuff. So, I'm sorry," he apologized genuinely.

"Oh, pffft, that?" Tawni laughed a little and Nico joined in, a little more nervously. "But, thanks for the apology, Nico. That was really sweet." Maybe she had been overreacting after all, she began wondering.

Feeling a little more comfortable with the situation now, Nico tried to lighten the mood with what they all knew best: humor. "After all, we're celebs right? We don't have to take nothing from no one. We can eat as much as we want." He laughed some more, once again joking, but he didn't notice the way Tawni again began looking at the chicken wing in her hand as she joined him in laughing. He hadn't meant it as another personal attack, but to Tawni, it practically compromised the sincerity of his apology. He still thought she had been eating a lot, so what if others started thinking the same thing? Or were they already? "Hey, you okay?" Nico had stopped laughing and noticed that Tawni had become distant again.

"Hmm?" She brought herself back from her thoughts. "Oh, yeah, I was just thinking how good this chicken wing looks," she lied.

"Now that's the spirit," he patted her on her shoulder before heading towards the door. "And for the record, you look good too, Tawni," he gave her a friendly smile before leaving her alone again.

Tawni waited a few moments before taking the chicken wing and throwing it violently into the trash can beside her vanity. She then began inspecting herself in the mirror, paying particular attention to her stomach, thighs and arms. "No…I don't…"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"You've got to be kidding me," Tawni couldn't hide her disapproval of Marshall's new sketch idea as he held up two sumo costumes. "Can't we do a sketch with the girdles? Those are always fun to wear," nobody thought her suggestion odd.

"That they are," Nico agreed as Grady also nodded his head.

"And…no offense, Marshall, but, uh," Sonny tried to state her opinion in a polite way, "isn't the whole fat, sumo gag a little bit overdone? It just doesn't seem very original."

"I absolutely agree," Marshall responded, allowing Tawni a momentary inner sigh of relief. "That's why instead of a sumo wrestling bit, it'll be Sumo Boot Camp. Nico, you'll be the drill sergeant and Sonny and Tawni, you two will be the sumos who have to run through the boot camp obstacle course."

"Sounds difficult," Tawni said snappishly.

"Exactly. Half the fun will be seeing the two of you trip over all the obstacles," Marshall replied with an oblivious chuckle.

"Cool," Nico gave a smile of approval regarding the idea. "I've always wanted to try my hand at a drill sergeant character."

"I guess it won't be so bad," Tawni gave in, realizing she didn't have much choice. _You'll just have to try to lose a few more pounds so they'll know you're skinnier underneath. _As illogical as it seemed, something made Tawni think people might think she was already as big as the blow-up sumo outfit.

"Alright, Sonny, you in?" Sonny nodded enthusiastically and Marshall continued. "Okay, so I want to shoot for this being a part of next week's show. I'll get you all a working script after lunch." Marshall looked down at his watch. "But for now, you'd all better get to class before I hear about it from Joy…again."

"Man, the only thing good about class is it's the only thing left standing between us and pizza Friday in the commissary," Grady cheered as he and the others headed in the direction of their on-set school room.

"MMHMM," Nico agreed with his best friend. "No better way to round off the week than pizza."

"Nothing says delicious like melted cheese, pepperoni and bucket loads of grease," Grady practically salivated as he said it.

"Oh yeah," Nico got a distant look in his eyes as he thought about how good lunch would taste.

"Cool it, pizza freaks," Zora rolled her eyes. "You're drooling all over the carpet," she pulled out a cup. "Here, drool in this so I can use it to create DNA for my zombie army." Everyone stopped and stared at Zora cautiously. "What? A girl can't have a few aspirations in life?" She rolled her eyes again and headed off ahead of them.

"It must be true that there's only a fine line between genius and insanity," Sonny commented once Zora was far enough away not to hear her.

"Oh, by the way guys," Tawni had been thinking about what Grady had said about the pizza being greasy, "I won't be having lunch with you guys today."

"I knew it!" Nico shouted suddenly, causing Tawni's expression to turn to one of panic. "You HAVE been secretly dating someone over at The Falls!"

This time the others looked at Nico like he was the crazy one. Tawni's look of panic turned to one of confusion. "Do I look like Sonny to you?"

"Hey!" came Sonny's loud protest. "I'm not dating Chad!"

"Maybe not, but you said his name, so obviously that's who you were just thinking about," Tawni retorted as if it proved her point. "Anyways, um, my dad's in town until, uh, Wednesday and he said he wants to spend as much time with me as possible so he said he's taking me to lunch everyday he can," Tawni's speech got smoother as she grew more confident that her reason would suffice.

"Oh, well, that sounds nice," Nico responded sheepishly as they arrived at the classroom.

-----oOo-----

"Hey, mom," Tawni was on her cell phone. She was standing somewhere on the studio lot far enough from the _So Random!_ studio that none of the others would see her. "I got your message to call you," she knew her mom never took the time to leave a message unless it was something she thought needed to be heard from her directly.

"Hi, hun, I just wanted to let you know I won't be home tonight," Tawni's mom cut straight to the chase. There were no nice words of asking how Tawni was or how her day was going. Then again, Tawni hadn't really expected them anyways.

"Oh, really?" Tawni forced a smile.

"I'm sorry, Tawn, but Dan just called and said they want me in Rio for a shoot asap," she explained. Tawni's mother was a model /actress and often busy working on her own career. Dan was her handler. "I'll be gone until Monday morning."

"All weekend?" This time Tawni couldn't hide her disappointment.

"You know how these things go," Tawni's mom expected her to understand the situation.

"Yeah, I know. Have fun in Rio. Bring me back something chic," Tawni always got a trinket whenever her mom came back from some place exciting. "Love you too, mwah," Tawni made an exaggerated sound of a kiss before hanging up her phone. "So, I lie about my dad coming to visit and instead my mom leaves. I hate irony," Tawni looked at the time on her phone and figured it was safe enough to return to the studio.

"Hey, Tawni," Sonny was the first one to see Tawni return. "How was lunch with your dad?"

"Great as usual," Tawni was getting used to lying. "So, hey, Sonny, do you want to go shopping tomorrow? My day's free and…"

"Well, shouldn't you spend it with your dad?" Sonny furrowed her eyebrows a little.

Tawni's heart nearly stopped. There was a reason lies were often referred to as tangled webs. "Well…you know, my dad never has a full day free. But we're spending Sunday together," she hoped Sonny would be naive enough to believe it.

"Oh, I see. Sorry you can't spend tomorrow with him too," Sonny tried to console her, sure Tawni must feel bad beneath her strong exterior. "But, uh, sure. Sounds like fun," Sonny smiled.

* * *

**A/N -** Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews you all have already left. I hope no one minds too much that I took the liberty of making Tawni's family life a little dysfunctional(ish). I figured it would fit in well with the plot :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Sonny almost regretted agreeing to go shopping with Tawni. She was some kind of shopping machine. They'd only been at it for an hour and a half and already they'd visited at least a dozen stores and Tawni had a bag in tow from at least half of them. And the surprising part was that they had all been shoe stores. "Wow, Tawni, you sure like shoes."

"Shoes first, outfit second. That's my shopping motto," Tawni chirped cheerfully. Shopping was instant therapy for any dilemma she faced. "If you have the super cute shoes, you'll know which clothes will match."

"I guess that makes sense," Sonny scrunched her nose as she thought about it. They finally entered a clothing store, much to Sonny's relief. She was ready to look at something other than shoes. "So, what was with Nico's random outburst yesterday about you dating someone from Mackenzie Falls? Or better yet, what was with you throwing me under the bus like that?"

"Sorry about that," Tawni apologized as they skimmed different clothing racks. "It's just my nature to throw people under the bus. Don't take it too personally."

"Right…" Sonny rolled her eyes a little. No matter how long she hung around Tawni, it was obvious they'd always have two very different mindsets. "But still, Nico's comment was pretty weird," she said again, clearly trying to get a response from Tawni.

"I'll say. Maybe he read that article in Tween Weekly," Tawni suggested.

"You mean the one where the writer said Mr. Condor should move you over to Mackenzie Falls as the no good girlfriend that backstabs every guy she dates?"

"Yeah, that one," Tawni and Sonny laughed a little as they recalled it. "Maybe he thought I'd take the article seriously and actually try to date one of them."

"Well, you do tend to take gossip articles and magazines pretty seriously," Sonny stated in a low-key voice, Tawni glaring a little as she did. "But still, why should he care if you date someone over at the Falls? Or anyone for that matter?"

"I don't think he said he did care," Tawni thought about it for a moment. "But even if he did, it's probably just because it would be like dating the enemy. He expects it from you. Not me."

"Would you stop accusing me of dating Chad!" Sonny shouted a little louder than she'd meant too.

"Then stop thinking about him when I accuse you of dating someone at the Falls," Tawni rebounded the argument.

"Fine. You win," Sonny decided arguing the matter would only make it worse. "Now, would you please stop changing the subject from you and Nico to me and Chad?"

"Hold on, I thought the subject was just Nico. When did this become_ me _and Nico?" Tawni looked at Sonny in confusion, but Sonny thought she also noted some denial. Suddenly, Tawni spotted a pair of jeans that she wanted, "Oh my gosh, those jeans are fabulous."

"See, there you go again," Sonny was done going around in circles for the time being. "Those are cute," she joined in looking over the pants with Tawni.

"But they only have them in a size higher or lower than what I wear," Tawni's newfound insecurity over her weight began to creep back into her thoughts.

"You could always eat a couple of pizzas by yourself," Sonny joked, not realizing that gaining weight was the last thing Tawni wanted to think about, even if just in a humorous tone.

Tawni continued mulling over how much she wanted the jeans. She knew that she'd already lost about 3 pounds from not eating barely a thing for a day and half. Maybe if she kept at the pace she was going, she'd be able to wear them in no time. "You know what," Tawni grabbed the pair that was a size smaller. "I'll get these anyways. I'll just call mom's personal trainer or something. A few pounds shouldn't be so hard," Tawni smiled nonchalantly.

Sonny nodded, believing it seemed like a healthy enough goal. "So, do you want to take a break and get some lunch after this?" Sonny asked, not seeing the sudden look of terror on Tawni's face as she walked just ahead of her towards the cashier.

"And let something come between Tawni Hart and shopping?" Tawni turned and looked at Sonny as if she were crazy.

"I guess I should have figured that," Sonny loved shopping, but not that much. "Well, then I'm going to go grab something because I'm hungry. I'll meet you in a few minutes," Sonny left Tawni alone to pay for the item.

"Not bad for a rookie," the voice sounded strangely familiar and Tawni turned to see Portlyn from Mackenzie Falls. "I saw the whole thing. You're going to have to eat sometime or people will definitely catch on," Portlyn looked at her knowingly.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Tawni tried to act innocent.

"Hey, you don't have to defend yourself to me. I totally understand," Portlyn saw through Tawni's act.

"You do?" Tawni eyed her suspiciously, not sure what to think. After all, how could Portlyn already know when her own fellow cast members had yet to suspect anything?

"Sure," Portlyn smiled and began rummaging through her purse. "That's why I use these," she pulled out a bottle of diet pills and handed them to Tawni. "They make up for when you absolutely have to eat. And they work twice as fast as trying to lose weight without them," Portlyn seemed to know for certain. Tawni looked at the bottle now in her hands and then at the girl in front of her. _It would explain why she's so skinny_, Tawni thought, comparing herself to Portlyn as she she did.

Tawni looked around to make sure Sonny hadn't returned and that nobody else was listening. "So, where do I get these from?"

"I always keep a few extra bottles lying around, so you can go ahead and take those if you want," Portlyn offered, causing Tawni to become even more suspicious.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" The last thing Tawni expected was to have Portlyn behaving so generously.

"I don't know," Portlyn shrugged. "We're not on set so, I guess, I don't know," Portlyn couldn't come up with a reason. She was suddenly aware that Tawni had a point. She shouldn't be acting so nice to one of her rivals. Then again, she finally found someone else who was obsessed with her weight like herself. "Just take them. And, remember, you didn't get those from me, got it?" Portlyn warned before leaving the store before any paps could catch them.

After a few moments of standing with a dazed expression on her face, Tawni looked down at the bottle and then looked at the jeans again. She then threw the pills into her purse and proceeded towards the cashier to buy the item she was determined to fit sooner than later.

-----oOo-----

Tawni panted heavily as she got off of the elliptical bike in her mom's very modest home gym. Her legs felt like gelatin beneath her, but she _had_ been at it all afternoon so it was no surprise. She finally needed to rest.

She walked wearily to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. She fumbled to open it, her mind having a hard time responding to tiny tasks after such a brutal workout. She eventually managed to open the bottle and began drinking the much needed liquid; the coldness of the first sip had nearly sent her tired, sweaty body into shock.

"At least this time I didn't totally lie," Tawni thought aloud after finishing off the water bottle. She had told Sonny she would work out and she did. Of course, she didn't tell her she wouldn't eat more than a few cubes of cheese when she felt absolutely famished, a trick she'd clearly learned from one of her favorite films, or that she would then take diet pills in addition to it all.

Tawni decided to lie down on her couch and rest a little bit. The gelatinous feeling in her legs was slowly turning into a dull ache. "There's a reason people don't like to exercise," she mumbled a little before falling into a deep sleep. Although she had never intended for it to happen, Tawni didn't wake up until the next morning.

* * *

**A/N -** Wow, I don't think I've updated on a story this frequently since...well, I can't remember. So, thanks for all of the reviews that keep me going. In fact, I've already finished writing chapter 4 too!

By the way, it IS possible to lose 3 pounds within a day and a half. Every body is different. Some will gain weight, some will not lose as rapidly, and some will burn even more within that short period of time. It all has to do with the metabolism. So, I didn't just pick a random number without knowing what I was saying first. Okay, enough with the health lesson ;P

Disclaimer - I obviously don't own _The Devil Wears Prada _which is what the "cube of cheese" reference is alluding to.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Does anyone else think there's something up with Tawni?" Nico had wanted to ask all morning long and now took Tawni's absence at lunch as a chance to do so.

"Relax, Romeo," Sonny joked a little, "she's not dating anyone over at The Falls."

"What are you talking about?" Nico looked at Sonny in disbelief as Grady chuckled a little. "What I mean is, she's been cranky all morning, crankier than usual, she was later than she's ever been getting here, she, well, I don't know…she even looks a little different." Nico had obvious been gathering evidence to make his case.

"I don't know, Sonny," Grady began thinking about it too. "I think Nico's on to something here. Because she was late, I asked her if she had had breakfast. She said no so I offered her my last bear claw doughnut and she turned it down. She said she was still too tired to think about eating." Grady held up his hands, positive that it helped prove Nico's point.

"So?" Sonny didn't get what Grady meant.

"So, she never turns down a bear claw doughnut. Never," Grady responded, knowing Tawni slightly better than Sonny since he'd known her longer.

"Dude, you're right," Nico nodded, realizing it was true. "That there is strange enough."

Sonny began thinking about Nico's other points. "I don't know guys. I mean, you make great points, but they really could be explained otherwise. I mean, maybe she didn't get enough sleep last night. That would explain her being cranky and late. She told me she was going to spend the whole day with her dad so maybe it wore her out." Sonny then looked at Nico weirdly, "And what do you mean she looks different?"

"She sure looked tired this morning that's for sure," Grady answered first. "I don't even think she had all of her make up on when she got here this morning," causing the others to gasp.

"Wait? Why am I gasping too?" Sonny pondered aloud. "I already explained why that could be."

"She looks physically worn down, Sonny," Nico finally answered. "I don't know how to explain it, but she just looks like she's hiding something." Nico gave it a little more thought. "I'd even say she looks a little skinnier."

"That's because her waistline is 2.3 inches thinner than what it was Friday," Zora suddenly joined in on the conversation.

"WHAT!?" The other three shouted simultaneously. "And how do you know this?" Nico raised an eyebrow.

"I have my ways," Zora smiled, proud of something she wasn't revealing.

"Although bizarre, I don't doubt Zora's comment about Tawni's shrinking waistline," Sonny shook her head curiously as she said it. "So if you guys must know, Tawni bought a pair of jeans Saturday and she said she wanted to start working out a little in order to fit them. You see, they didn't have her size, so she got a size smaller."

"Oh," Nico went back to eating, as did the others, and the table grew silent. Still, as he ate, Nico continued to feel like something just wasn't right. He didn't realize that, while Sonny seemed to have logical explanations to everything, she was beginning to doubt her own answers, nor did he know that Grady was still not convinced that Tawni would ever turn down a bear claw doughnut. They all were beginning to wonder, but Nico was the only one debating whether or not he should confront Tawni about it. "You know what," Nico spoke again, having taken a few last bites of his meatball sub, "I think I'm going to go hang out and wait for Tawni to get back."

Nico didn't care that Sonny and Grady and Zora would probably speculate about his feelings for Tawni. He was genuinely concerned. He knew the others would be too if they suspected something as much as he currently did. He couldn't place it, but something was different about Tawni and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. As he stood around at the entrance of the _So Random!_ studio waiting for Tawni to return, he was surprised to see her mom instead.

"Hey there, Mrs. Hart," Nico flashed a big smile. There was no denying Tawni's mom deserved her job as a model and it was something which caused the girl-crazy side of Nico to awaken. "You are looking absolutely beautiful today."

"That's very nice of you, Nico," she gave a little laugh, knowing how flirtatious Nico could be from the few times she'd met him. "I was just on my way home from the airport and I thought I'd surprise Tawni with this one of a kind purse I bought her in Rio. Where is she?"

"I think she's still out to lunch with Mr. Hart," Nico answered politely. "She should be back any…" he stopped when he noticed the confused look on her face. "What's wrong?"

"I don't understand," Tawni's mother shook her head, wondering if it were some kind of joke. "Tawni's father is in New York. There's no possible way she could be having lunch with him." Mrs. Hart began to look worried.

"Oh, uh, I meant, she's outside… somewhere, uh, talking to Mr. Hart on the phone. It's his lunch break or something like that," Nico hoped she would buy it. To his relief, the worried lines that had formed on Mrs. Hart's forehead disappeared.

"Right…" Tawni's mother then gave him a sly smile. "You know, Nico, if you decide to date my daughter, you never have to keep it from me," she winked and Nico realized she must think he was trying to keep her from finding out he was dating Tawni. "So, I'll just be a cool mom and let you get back to wherever she is." She then handed him the purse, "If you don't mind, could you give this to her for me?" Nico nodded weakly, and she smiled again before turning towards the exit.

Nico watched Mrs. Hart leave, their conversation still processing through his mind. He suddenly didn't care that she thought he was dating her daughter. It was the fact that her daughter had lied to them all that now weighed on his mind. If this wasn't proof enough that something was wrong with Tawni, he didn't know what would be. He looked down at the purse and decided he'd better make good on his promise to give it to Tawni.

* * *

**A/N -** Sorry, it's a little bit shorter than I expected it to be. The feedback on this story is so nice that I feel bad for it being so short.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Hey, Nico," Tawni greeted him as he came into the prop room. She was searching for a prop she knew she would need when it was her turn to go back to set. "How was meatball Monday?" She suddenly caught sight of the purse, "Ooh, what's that?"

"It's for you." He handed it to her before adding, "Apparently it's from Rio." He noticed her stiffen up. "Your mom dropped it off." His words hit Tawni like a ton of bricks and it was painfully clear that she was attempting to remain calm.

"Oh, uh, my mom was here?"

"Yeah, and she happened to mention who _isn't_ here…" Nico gave her a chance to admit the truth, but was instead confronted with silence. "Fess up, Tawni. I know you haven't been eating lunch with your dad. And to be honest, you've been acting strange lately. What's up?"

Tawni wasn't sure what to do. Her thoughts were racing. All of sudden, the last thing she wanted to do was lie to Nico. Then again, that was what she had been doing with all of them. It was too late to turn back now, she reasoned. She shifted her eyes around the room, catching sight of something on the table. It was a Tween Weekly magazine. Like an epiphany, she had a new idea. "Okay, you've got me," she let her head drop. "You were right, Nico. I _am_ dating someone from _Mackenzie Falls_. Or at least…was…" she sniffled a little.

"I knew it!" It was just the story Nico would believe.

"I know, and I'm sorry," Tawni began to put her ability to cry on cue to practice. She sat down on the couch in despair. "I'm sorry I dated the enemy. I'm sorry I ever let that jerk make me feel special."

"What are you talking about? What happened?" Nico's concern returned.

"He dumped me yesterday. He said he found someone better," Tawni said as she cried. "I'm so humiliated."

"Hey, it's his loss," Nico sat down next to her. "It's no big deal you were dating one of them. This just goes to prove everyone over on that show is a bunch of idiots," Nico tried to comfort her. "Well, at least he is," he placed a hand on Tawni's shoulder, not knowing his touch was making Tawni feel all the more horrible about herself and what she was turning into. Not only did she think she was fat, now she realized she was a liar. "Are you going to be okay?" Nico tried to make eye contact with her, looking for some sign of hope.

"I don't know, Nico, I don't know," Tawni answered and for some reason, she wasn't sure if her tears had somehow become real. _Why can't I control myself? I'm so weak. It's pathetic._ Tawni continued to let the negative thoughts run amuck inside her head.

"Hey, don't worry," Nico offered her an encouraging smile. "Someone better will come along. You'll see." Tawni returned a weak smile, and without warning Nico felt the need to wrap his arms around Tawni in the biggest hug he could manage. As he began to think about it, he realized the intimacy of the moment.

The fact was, he had been thinking about Tawni more and more for the past few months. He had been having fleeting thoughts that he might be developing feelings for her, but he'd been denying the possibility as just his imagination. Now, as he sat close to her in her time of need, he realized he couldn't put off the matter any longer. He needed to figure out for certain if he was actually starting to see Tawni as more than just a costar, as more than just a friend. Was it really possible that maybe _he_ wanted to be the "someone better" who could be there for her?

For now, Nico decided he should leave Tawni alone. A harsh breakup was more than enough to explain to him why she'd been acting the ways he'd noticed. Perhaps not her thinner appearance, but then again, he figured Sonny had already explained that one with the pair of jeans.

"So, my mom knows about me lying about my dad?" the thought had just occurred to Tawni as she looked at the purse she held in her hands.

Nico, who had already stood to his feet and started towards the door, stopped in his tracks as he remembered the encounter with Mrs. Hart. He turned around slowly to see Tawni looking at him for an answer. "Actually, I've got you covered…literally." He saw the confused expression on her face and continued. "Let's just say your mom already assumed that the story about your dad was a cover for you actually being with a guy. So, I went ahead and let her believe it…even if she thinks the guy is me." With that, Nico decided to leave before things between them got anymore confusing. He already had enough to think about as it was.

"What?" It took a moment for Tawni to catch on to what Nico had meant, but as it became clear, her eyes widened and she looked at the door Nico had just previously exited through. "Nico?"

-----oOo-----

"Hey, hun, what are you doing in here?" Mrs. Hart found Tawni in the gym, again on the elliptical. She had just returned from re-dubbing some lines for an upcoming movie she was in. She didn't know that Tawni had been at it for an hour and a half without more than a few minutes break. "You never come in here," Mrs. Hart added.

Tawni took it as another reason for her to be doing everything she could to lose weight. _She must think I'm a lazy slob who doesn't care about my body_, the thoughts that came to Tawni were growing more and more irrational. _After all, she's practically perfect. _"I got bored and decided I should probably take some time to make sure I stay in shape." Again, it wasn't a total lie, Tawni justified.

"Well, I more than understand the need to stay in shape," Mrs. Hart smiled. "But, Tawn, you look absolutely exhausted. You know you have to start out gradually. I'll tell you what; I'll get Joe to get you started on your own personal regimen to," she referred to her personal trainer. "Then maybe we can spend more time together when we're working out," Mrs. Hart enjoyed the idea because she realized how little quality time they were able to spend together, but all Tawni seemed to hear was her mom's encouraging her to get in shape. "Again, Tawni, you really look tired. Why don't you get off that thing and cleaned up while I order us something good to eat." Mrs. Hart was about to leave, but then stopped as she thought of something else. "By the way, I ran into Nico at your studio today, which I'm sure you know. Such a nice boy," she smiled. "Maybe you should invite him to have dinner with us some time."

"Mom!" Tawni looked at her mom in disbelief from where she still sat on the elliptical.

"Just a suggestion," Mrs. Hart left the gym without pushing for anything else on the subject.

Tawni shook her head and then hopped off of the exercise machine. However, as she did, her head began to spin and she grabbed onto the machine to keep herself from falling. "Maybe mom's got a point about the gradual thing," Tawni shook it off as nothing more than beginner exerciser's fatigue. After regaining her stability, she went to clean up like her mom instructed. She also decided to take two more pills since she knew there would be no way of getting through dinner with her mom unscathed without them.

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**A/N -** Halfway to the end now! Just when you thought Nico was going to get to the bottom of things... But at least he's starting to wonder about how he feels about Tawni ;) And, no, Tawni's mom isn't all bad after all. She cares for Tawni, it's just she's so busy with her own career. Thanks for reviewing everyone =)


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N -** So, I really have been trying not to disrupt the story flow with author notes at the start of a chapter, but I thought I should give a little warning. I knew coming into this story some of the symptoms that can come along with the abuse of diet pills, and knew I wanted to include them. Thus, my sincerest apologies if anyone is squeamish in regards to the subject of bodily waste.

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Chapter 6**

There was a knock on Nico and Grady's dressing room door. "Huh? I wonder who that could be," Grady looked at Nico curiously.

"I know right? Kinda early ain't it?" Nico looked at his watch. They had barely been there a half an hour. He opened the door and they saw that it was Sonny. '"Morning, Sonny." They both greeted her, still curious why she was at their door.

"Morning, guys," Sonny returned the greeting. "Nico, did you talk to Tawni yesterday?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, I really think you might be right," Sonny had a worried look on her face.

"What do you mean?" Nico wondered if things had gotten worse for Tawni because of the jerk that dumped her.

"Come with me," Sonny beckoned them with her finger and Nico and Grady followed. They stopped just outside of the dressing room shared by Sonny and Tawni. Loud, violent sounding coughs could be heard from inside.

"Tawni?" There was confusion and concern both in Nico's voice as Sonny nodded. Thankfully, Tawni hadn't heard him over her coughing, but they decided to head back to the boys' dressing room before discussing it further. Once there, Nico was the first to speak, "What she told me yesterday wouldn't explain this. I mean, unless she cried herself sick or something. Is that possible?"

"Well, yeah kinda, but what exactly did she tell you?" Sonny didn't understand what could make Tawni cry so much that this would be the result. That didn't seem like the Tawni she knew.

"Well, I don't want to betray her trust or anything, but let's just say she's having boy troubles right now."

"What? There's no boy in Tawni's life right now," Sonny might not yet know details like Tawni's love for bear claw doughnuts, but sharing things like this was definitely one of the bonds she and Tawni had created since her arrival to the show. Tawni rarely hid her feelings about boys. That's just not the kind of girl Tawni was. And after their incident with James Conroy, they decided to trust each other and be open with each other when a guy came into the picture.

"She told me specifically that it was a guy problem," Nico reiterated.

"Then, now I know you were right about something being wrong." Sonny sounded convinced. She just couldn't imagine Tawni not sharing something like this with her.

On the other hand, Nico didn't want to doubt that Tawni had been sharing her broken heart with him. "Maybe it's a mixture of both," Nico thought aloud. "Trust me, there's a reason she might not have wanted even you to know about this dude," Nico directed his comment to Sonny. "She didn't want anyone to know. But maybe I was also noticing she was getting sick or something."

"Like some kind of superpower!" Zora said as she walked past the open door, not even stopping to come in.

"Uh, yeah, what Zora said...I guess," Nico shrugged. "If she was already getting sick, this might have just made it worse or something. You never know."

"Maybe," Sonny tilted her head thoughtfully. It wasn't so unheard of to recognize signs of illness in advance. "Whatever's going on here, I say we need to keep a close eye on her today," now Sonny was the doubtful one like Nico had been the day before.

"Can't argue with you there," Nico and Grady nodded in agreement. As much as Nico wanted to believe there was nothing too wrong with Tawni now that he'd spoken with her, he felt an uneasy feeling growing in the pit of his stomach once again.

-----oOo-----

Tawni went into another coughing fit as she sat on the couch in the prop room. She couldn't deny that she felt absolutely terrible. Her body ached, her head felt like there was someone using a jackhammer on it, her stomach was in knots, and she felt chilled. She wished she would have skipped exercising and just used the diet pills, as she was certain this was the cause of her misery. Then again, despite how bad she felt, she knew she was already 8 pounds lighter than what she had been Saturday. And as a result, she was proudly wearing her trophy: the jeans that had been a size smaller.

"There you are," Sonny had heard Tawni's coughs coming down the hall. "I've been looking for you since the last time you left to use the bathroom," Sonny sat on the arm of the chair closest to the door. "Maybe you should tell Ms. Bitterman you're too sick to go to class," Sonny suggested. "I mean, you look absolutely…" Tawni glared at her. "Uh, you know, absolutely fabulous...in those jeans…wait," Sonny hadn't noticed before, but now she did. "Are those the jeans you just bought Saturday?" Tawni nodded. "Oh my gosh! How much did you exercise?"

"More than I should have," Tawni said with a loud cough. "I didn't start gradually or however my mom put it," Tawni explained, feeling her other secrets were still safe.

"No wonder you're so sick. You're probably exhausted," Sonny couldn't believe Tawni would put herself through that much just to wear a pair of jeans. She saw Tawni just shrug and then rub her arms a little. "You're cold?" Sonny stood up and put the back of her hand to Tawni's forehead, Tawni being too sick to protest. "Well, you're not feverish yet, but it feels like you're getting there."

"How's the patient?" Grady asked as he entered the room. "Sorry you're sick, Tawni," he then said.

"I don't think she should go to class," Sonny spoke up on behalf of Tawni. "I think she just really needs to lie down a little. I think she's just got a case of exhaustion. A little rest should help," Sonny didn't divulge the act of stupidity that led to the exhaustion.

"Me and Nico already talked to Ms. Bitterman and she understands," Grady explained.

"You guys really don't have to treat me like…" Tawni started to protest, but stopped as her gut wrenched a little. "Never mind…" she realized Sonny's suggestion to rest was probably for the best. "I'll be right back," she said standing up and hurrying out of the prop room and down the hall towards the bathroom.

"That didn't look good," Grady shook his head.

"No it did not," Nico chimed as he came in to the room carrying a tray with hot soup on it. "It's a good thing I've got fast reflexes. She nearly plowed right into me," he added as he sat the tray down on the table.

"Aww, hot soup. That's really sweet of you, Nico." Sonny hadn't thought about something like that, but she knew like most that sometimes hot soup had a cure all affect.

"Yeah, well, the way she ran out of here towards the bathroom, who knows if she'll even be up to eating it," Grady pointed out.

"You guys, I'm really worried now," Sonny decided to share with them while Tawni was gone "She's been to the bathroom at least a dozen times this morning."

"What the…a dozen?" Nico and Grady shared confused glances. "That don't seem right!" Nico exclaimed.

"Is that a side effect of exhaustion?" Grady asked, not really sure what the symptoms were.

"I don't really know," Sonny answered honestly. "All I know is, she's really sick. I think we should talk to Marshall about it and ask him his opinion." Nico felt his heart sink as he heard Sonny's words. He might not understand where he stood with his feelings for Tawni, but he did know the last thing he wanted was for Tawni to be sick…really sick. Maybe it was more proof that he was starting to care for her.

By the time Tawni returned from the restroom, the others had decided to go and find Marshall before it was time to go to class. She immediately noticed the soup on the tray, scrunching her nose in confusion. As she got closer, she saw something sitting under the bowl. It was a small card. She pulled it out and read it aloud, "Tawni, thought you might like some hot soup from your favorite bistro. Get better soon, Nico."

She sat down on the couch, feeling even worse now than she had all morning. She went into another coughing fit, which ended in tears running down her face. She knew everything that was happening to her was because of her own decisions, but she had never expected any of this. She hadn't told anyone, but not only was she discharging ridiculous amounts of bodily waste every time she ran to the restroom, but the past few times there had also been blood. And now, Tawni was scared. "Did I push myself too hard exercising?" she gasped the question between tears and coughs. "Is it the pills?" she wondered again, not wanting to accept that possibility. After all, they had worked wonders just like Portlyn had promised they would. And Portlyn didn't seem sick.

_Stop being such a drama queen_, Tawni's thoughts began to assault her again. _You'll be fine. No pain, no gain. You can't stop now. You're still not skinny enough._ _They wouldn't sell those pills if they were bad. _There was no end to the inner criticism and battle to justify what was happening to her. "I'm just exhausted like Sonny said," Tawni finally settled on an answer, determined to not make a big deal out of being sick just yet.

As she sat there, trying to reason with herself, she couldn't help but keep glancing at the soup Nico had brought her. It smelled better than anything had for almost a week and she wanted nothing more than to devour it, but inside she was scolding herself for being such a pig. "Well, Nico was sweet enough to get it for me, so it'd be rude if I didn't…" she debated. After a few minutes, she decided to eat it for Nico's sake. "I'll just take an extra pill to be on the safe side," she added before picking up the spoon and taking the first bite.

* * *

**A/N cont. -** Okay, hope it wasn't too graphic. I tried to write it so that it wasn't too gross or anything. Unfortunately, all the above symptoms (and more) are very possible when diet pills are used (of course cases vary depending on the pills in use, how many are being used, etc.) and because of this many times eating disorders can be misdiagnosed!! As for the 8 pound drop in weight, again, it is based on many variables and is not a definite amount that could be lost. Could be less, could be more.

Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews! And I thought I should share this ironic tidbit: I just this very second received a text message from my recovering friend :)


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N - **Another pre-chapter author note and with some not so good news. First, I want to apologize for not responding to any of the reviews I got for chapter 6. They were all awesome and I enjoyed reading them from my cell phone, but I've been laid up all week in pain from my first wisdom tooth finally coming in. That's the same reason it took longer than usual to update. Thankfully, now that it's cut through the gum, some of the more excruciating pain has subsided. So, thanks again for the fantastic reviews!!

But, here comes the not so good news. I am expecting my cable/internet to be cut off sometime within the next few days so I will only be able to update either from my cell phone - which I've never actually attempted before...or from a computer at the local library. Thus, the next chapter might be awhile, but I promise I will do whatever I can to make sure this story is finished soon. I've actually been writing ahead (now I'm glad I have) and I'm thinking there might even be one or two more chapters than I previously expected!! So, I really hope everyone sticks it out with me.

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**Chapter 7**

All day long, the others had waited on Tawni, fawned over Tawni, etc. All the while, they didn't realize she was angry with herself for not enjoying their lavishing her with attention. Otherwise, they wouldn't have done anything to make her feel worse. Normally, she'd almost hurt somebody to be treated like a queen with no questions asked, but instead it made her feel guilty. She kept trying to tell herself that she didn't have any reason to feel guilty because she hadn't known that she'd make herself sick from exercising too much. But no matter how many excuses she came up with, a deep guilt kept eating away at her.

Now, she stood on set arguing with Marshall about her ability to perform. She might normally have enjoyed being the center of attention, but under no circumstances did she enjoy having her part taken away from her. "I really don't think you should go on with this sketch," Marshall looked at Tawni and then at Nico and Sonny, who were already in costume and waiting for the final verdict

"I promise I'm fine." Tawni might not want to play a sumo, but she didn't want anyone thinking she was incapable due to being a little sick. It hurt her pride even more and made her feel inadequate.

"I don't know," Marshall continued, knowing that all of the others agreed with him from their conversation earlier in the day. Everyone was worried for Tawni's health and Marshall had a good mind to give her mother a call or at least find one of the medical professionals that the studio kept on staff and ask them to give her a check up. He didn't want to take any chances with any of their safety or make the studio look like it was irresponsible with the well being of its actors.

"I. Am. Fine!" Tawni shouted. It was as if she was trying to convince not only them, but herself as well. She coughed a little after straining her voice, but it had definitely gotten all of their attention. They knew how Tawni could be if really, really irritated. She was a force to be reckoned with at times as it was, but she could be down right explosive when pushed too far.

Marshall deliberated it a little longer. "I'll make a deal with you," he started as Tawni listened closely for the details. "I'll let you run through this rehearsal. But, when we're done, I'm going to call for one of the medics to give you an examination, got it? And depending on what he says, I'll decide whether or not you can do the sketch. If not, Grady, you'll take Tawni's spot." Marshall nodded at Grady and then looked at Tawni, hoping she would agree to the plan. Still, he decided he needed to put his foot down even further. "If you're not okay with that, then I have no choice but to automatically take you off the sketch."

Tawni bit her lip as she thought about it. Part of her wanted to know what was wrong with her and so the idea of the examination was a good excuse to find out. On the other hand, the doctor would be sure to figure out what she was up to and start preaching to her about how she was hurting herself. Was she hurting herself? After all, didn't other celebrities do it all the time? She could always lie and hope the doctor believed her. _Are you just going to let him kick you off the sketch without any fight? What a loser… _"I'll do it!" Tawni shouted, having been wrapped up in her thoughts and angry at the idea of being called a loser. She saw the others looking at her strangely. "I'll do the rehearsal and examination," she added more calmly.

"Alright," Marshall seemed satisfied enough. "No need to use the costume this time through, Tawni," Marshall added. "Places," he cued them and Sonny, Tawni and Nico found their marks. "And action."

"Left, left, left, right, left," Nico barked as they all marched onto the set, Sonny having difficulty marching in the outfit and Tawni pretending to have difficulty marching. Nico blew a whistle and they stopped, Sonny bobbing back and forth a little. "Alright, maggots, you think you can handle my boot camp? Well, we'll just see about that!!" Nico shouted.

"Sir, yes, sir," Sonny and Tawni faked deep voices, as are usually associated with sumo wrestlers.

"Then get moving!!" Nico blew the whistle again and Sonny and Tawni proceeded to run the small obstacle course on the set: two small walls for them to climb over, some wires for them to crawl under – elevated higher than would normally be due to the costumes, and then a set of tires for them to run through.

As they ran the course, Sonny found herself stumbling and bouncing here and there and Tawni, behind her, mimicked the difficulty by adding pratfalls here and there of her own. All the while Nico barked orders and insults like any drill sergeant would be expected to do, as he stood in the middle of the course. "You are the lamest excuse for sumos I have ever seen!! Move! Move! Move!" The others watched on, laughing hysterically as the girls, mainly Sonny, struggled with the different obstacles.

Tawni, despite the lack of costume, appeared to be struggling with crawling more than she had with the two walls. By the time she had managed to get to her feet, Sonny was already starting through the course a second time, per Nico's commands, "You can do better than that!" Tawni got to the tires and after taking the first two jumps, she stopped and fell onto the tires.

Marshall laughed and applauded as Nico began to ad lib what they assumed was another pratfall. "On your feet, maggot! There's no sleeping on my clock!" Tawni didn't stir like they expected her to. After a moment, the drill sergeant demeanor disappeared from Nico's face, "Tawni!?" He hurried over to where she was laying. Marshall and the others, also realizing that something was wrong, followed after, Sonny taking the longest to reach her. "Tawni? Tawni, can you hear me?" Nico was knelt down beside her, trying to get her to respond. "She's fainted," he finally concluded, although the others had all figured that much out just by looking at her. Nico placed his hand on her forehead and then to her flushed cheek. "She's burning up!"

"Zora, run and get one of the medics," Marshall instructed and watched her leave in a flash. "Does she have her cell phone on her?" Marshall knew he couldn't leave until there was a medic on site, but wanted to phone her mother immediately.

"It's in her purse in our dressing room. I saw her put it in there before we came to set," Sonny said as she struggled to get out of her sumo costume so she could be of more assistance. "I'd get it, but…gah, I'm stuck!" she said in reference to the outfit.

Tawni's eyes fluttered open and settled on the person closest to her. "Nico? Where am I?"

"She's awake!" Nico alerted them all. "Don't worry, Tawni. Everything's okay," Nico reassured her as he stood to his feet. "I'll go get the cell phone," Nico told Marshall, feeling okay to leave her now that she was conscious again. Marshall and Grady helped Tawni to her feet so that they could move her to a chair, while Nico took off towards the girls' dressing room.

"Purse…purse…purse…" Nico reached the room and began scanning the room hastily. Finally, his eyes landed on the item he was searching for. He quickly grabbed the purse and began rummaging through it. "I hope Tawni doesn't kill me for going through her purse," he thought aloud, but inwardly kicked himself for caring about that at a time when Tawni needed help.

"Man, what all is up in here?" The purse seemed unending. He had felt many different things, many which would have been foreign if he didn't know enough about girls to realize what they were. Still, he hadn't felt the cell phone yet. His fingers suddenly hit something he wasn't expecting. He knew he shouldn't pry, but his curiosity got the best of him and he pulled out the object. His jaw dropped as he looked at the bottle of diet pills in his hand.

For a second, time seemed to stand still and Nico closed his eyes, almost hoping he would open them and the bottle would be gone. Of course, it wasn't. His thoughts spun as he began to put the pieces together. The lies and the strange behavior suddenly made perfect sense. He closed his fist around the bottle in anger and confusion as the image of Tawni fainting flashed through his mind. It occurred to him that she could be in much more danger than any of them had imagined. The thought made his blood boil as he finally found the cell phone and made his way back to set.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"There you are, Nico," Marshall spotted him from where he stood on one side of the director's chair Tawni still sat in. "Now if that doctor would just get here already," he looked at his watch. There had been a minor accident on one of the other sets that required the medical staff's immediate attention. "Did you find Tawni's cell phone?"

"Uh, yeah," Nico walked over and handed the phone to Marshall, looking at Tawni directly as he did. He thought he noticed her squirming underneath his gaze. As he turned back around his hand moved towards his pocket, debating what to do about the bottle contained there. The more he thought, the more he couldn't take it anymore. "I also found these!" Nico pulled out the bottle as he spun around angrily. He held them out for everyone to see, Tawni turning pale at the sight.

"What? What are those?" Marshall asked in bewilderment as he came closer to inspect the item in Nico's hand. As he took it from him, Nico's gaze never wavered from Tawni's clearly guilty face. "Diet pills?" Marshall couldn't believe it as they all looked towards Tawni. "Tawni, are these yours?"

Tawni attempted to remain in control. She held Nico's gaze stubbornly, not giving an immediate answer, until finally she couldn't handle the intensity in his expression any longer. "Yes…they're mine," she said barely above a whisper as she let her head fall.

Nico also looked away, not sure what to think now that he knew without a doubt it was true. So many questions filled his head as he thought about all of the recent events. "You lied to us? You lied to me? About everything? Your dad? That guy from The Falls? You haven't been eating have you?"

They all looked at her in confusion, waiting to see if she would respond to any of the questions Nico had blurted out. But it seemed her silence spoke loud enough. "Is that why you were exercising too?" Sonny asked, understanding now why Tawni was able to wear the jeans so quickly.

"So let me get this straight," Marshall interrupted the others so he could get a definite answer from her. "You haven't been eating, you've been exercising and you've been taking these?" He shook the bottle as he asked. Marshall's tone demanded an answer to which Tawni gave a weak nod. "Do you not understand what you could have done? Tawni, this is dangerous."

"You could have seriously hurt yourself," Sonny added with genuine concern. She desperately wanted to know what was going on inside of her friend's head. "Why, Tawni? I don't understand."

There was a sudden brazenness that came over Tawni upon hearing Sonny's comments. "You don't understand? Of course you don't understand!" Tawni nearly screeched. The self-hate and vulnerability in her voice sent shivers through those who knew her best. They didn't comprehend this new Tawni. This wasn't the overly confident teen starlet they loved despite her diva attitude. "Look at you, Sonny. You're practically perfect! You're skinny and…and…I'm this hideous ball of…" she couldn't even bring herself to say the word she was thinking.

"I am _not _perfect," Sonny argued. She was determined to get that through Tawni's head one way or another. "I mean, come on. I'm not graceful like you are. You seem to just get everything in this town and me, I'm always messing up. That's not perfect. Don't you think I wish I could be half the celebrity you are sometimes? Remember the fan letter?" Sonny reminded her of the secret they still shared regarding Sonny's posing as her own fan.

"Hey, what about me?" Grady decided to aid Sonny in getting through to Tawni. "If you think you're not, well, not skinny, then what does that make me? I'm not exactly wearing skinny jeans here," Grady admitted bravely. He'd come to realize quickly that with certain attributes came stereotypes in the acting business.

"Or what about me?" Zora spoke up. "People think I'm crazy! But that's their problem. At least I enjoy being crazy." Zora heard a round of "MMHMM's" proving that they all did think she was slightly crazy.

"And what about me?" Nico finally spoke up again. "You know, people can get ridiculed for being too skinny too. Trust me, I know. Don't you think I'd like to bulk up every now and then? We all get this way, Tawni," Tawni flinched at the sound of his saying her name. It was almost as though she were angry to hear him try to help her after he'd been the one to expose her.

Marshall decided to take the reigns again. "The point here is eating disorders are a very serious matter."

"Eating disorder?" One of the medics, a woman, had overheard Marshall's comment. She looked at them both, noticing the bottle in his hands. It had come to be an all too familiar sight since she'd begun working as medical help on different studio lots. The medic began looking over Tawni, taking mental notes. She felt to see how warm Tawni's cheek felt. "You said she fainted? And she's been sick all day? Have you had any unpleasant trips to the restroom at all?"

The medic had geared the last question towards Tawni, but she didn't answer. She was more embarrassed than she'd ever been in her life. "Listen, sweetie, I deal with this all the time. You're not alone. You can talk to me. You have nothing to feel ashamed of," she coaxed as Tawni began to let her guard down a little. She finally whispered an answer in the medic's ear in regards to her previous question. "So, I'm guessing you didn't really heed the instructions on the bottle?" Tawni shook her head as the others gasped a little. "Hey, it's okay. This is pretty normal behavior for this type of situation," she spoke before Tawni could withdraw again. "So when did this start? Just a rough estimate?"

They all waited with baited breath, each wondering when their friend had begun to lose herself to such ugly thoughts. Secretly, they were all trying to trace back the days to try and figure out when Tawni had metamorphosed without them realizing it. "I…I guess…" Tawni finally answered. "I started really, really thinking about it last Thursday."

Sonny noticed Nico from the corner of her eye. She looked over at him and saw that he had become stiffer than a board. One of his fists was clinched so tight that he was beginning to lose color in his knuckles.

"That's good," the medic surprised them all, and Sonny turned her gaze back to the more important situation at hand. "While negative thoughts are usually rooted somewhere deeper and can be buried for years, eating disorders tend to develop quite rapidly once those negative thoughts are triggered," she tried to explain to them without giving them a full lecture on the subject. "It's very fortunate for Tawni that we've been able to catch this thing before it was able to get too far along. A few more weeks and the eating disorder would have been committed to habit. It's a much more difficult road to recovery after that," she spoke solemnly from experience with other cases. "Did someone find the pills?" the medic asked, assuming that was what had happened, as she took the bottle from Marshall.

"That would be Nico here," Marshall motioned towards him.

Without warning, Tawni's anger returned and her cheeks flushed bright red. _He betrayed me._ _He didn't have to humiliate me in front of everyone. I hate him. Why did he have to hurt me? He doesn't care about me at all. Good, I never wanted him to care anyways. Did I? What am I thinking?! He just ruined my life!_ Her thoughts seemed to find a new target in Nico now that her secret was out.

"Well, then, Nico," the medic gave him a smile. "You're practically a hero. Alright, let's get you to the ambulance," the medic turned her full attention back to Tawni. "You need appropriate medical care." She helped Tawni stand to her feet. Marshall took Tawni's other arm as they began the trek towards outside. The medic used her radio to make a quick call for the ambulance driver to meet them.

Nico wanted to apologize before Tawni was rushed away. "Tawni, I'm sorry…" He meant it with all of his heart. He was sorry for ever making a comment about her eating to begin with. He was sorry he had to be the one to sell her out in front of everyone else, but he knew he had to. He couldn't have risked her lying to him again. "I just don't want to see you get hurt," he tried to make her understand.

Tawni waited until they were just about to pass him before giving her cold response, "I'll never forgive you for this, Nico."

* * *

**A/N - **Hope everyone had a great 4th of July, for those who celebrated it. I just want to say, I meant no disrespect to the actors who play Nico, Sonny, Grady or Zora when I pointed out their "flaws" in this chapter. I just used points I'd noticed from previous comments made in the series itself and outside of the series by both the actors and fans.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Mrs. Hart carefully cracked open Tawni's door to see if she was still asleep. She looked at her daughter, now lying peacefully in her bed. She couldn't believe everything that had happened that day. After having been rushed to the hospital, Tawni's stomach had been pumped of the current traces of diet pills she'd taken. After that, the doctor gave her leave to go home, but not without strict directions for Mrs. Hart to follow. Tawni's body was indeed exhausted as her friends had already assumed and the doctor ordered for her to be kept on bed rest for a few days and given plenty of liquids to regulate her body again. He also instructed Mrs. Hart to make sure Tawni was given only light meals until her digestive system could recuperate from being under so much stress.

Mrs. Hart's cell phone vibrated, pulling her away from her thoughts. She shut the door quietly and went to the kitchen before answering it. Looking at the caller id she saw that it was Mr. Hart. "Hey, did you get my message?" she greeted as he responded frantically on the other end, proving he had. "It's okay. She's okay. The doctor gave her a very light sedative so she's sleeping right now."

She listened carefully to the swarm of questions he had about their daughter. "Well, I also talked to a specialist about what we can do and what to expect. She said I shouldn't be surprised if Tawni is unresponsive to any of our help at first, but to stick with it. She said the same way something triggered the disorder to begin with, something should eventually trigger a response to the healing process."

Mrs. Hart went silent as she bit her lip. Mr. Hart could tell something was wrong, but didn't press her. Finally, she spoke again. "I know the specialist told me not to blame myself, but I can't help it. I feel like it's my fault," her voice was shaky. "I just don't understand where I went wrong. I never thought Tawni would…" Mrs. Hart turned to see Tawni standing nearby. "Tawni, you're awake!" she exclaimed, somewhat happy and somewhat worried that she'd heard what had been said. "How are you feeling? Do you want to talk to your dad?" Tawni shook her head slightly. "Okay, I'll let you go," Mrs. Hart said into the phone before hanging up. "Your dad says he loves you."

"What's all that?" Tawni noticed several cards and balloons and a set of flowers on the kitchen island.

"They're from your cast mates," Mrs. Hart answered as Tawni picked up the flowers, clearly admiring them. "Beautiful aren't they? Nico got them for you."

"I hate them," Tawni threw them back down bitterly.

"But, sweetheart, daisies are your favorite."

"I don't care. I hate them. I never want to see them again," Tawni crossed her arms defiantly.

"If that's what you really want," she didn't push Tawni to be reasonable. She knew Nico had been the one to find the pills, so she realized how much anger her daughter must feel towards him at the moment. "Tawni," Mrs. Hart had something she wanted to clear the air of. "Honey, I need you to answer me. Do you realize what you were doing could have killed you? Do you want to…die?"

Tawni didn't answer immediately. The thought of dying had never crossed her mind. Of course she didn't want to die! "No," she finally managed.

Mrs. Hart's worst fears were relieved. The specialist had explained some used starvation as a form of slow suicide. "Good. Because I don't want to lose you. I love you too much."

"I know," Tawni rolled her eyes. She couldn't see what this had to do with her desire to be skinny.

"Then, please, cooperate with me. Your body needs rest…and food," she saw her daughter cringe, but she continued. "And, baby, you need therapy. We need to find out why you're obsessed with your weight so we can get you better."

Tawni had been trying to listen to her mother, but she hated what she was hearing. "It doesn't make sense!" she screamed. "How come people who are fat are looked down on, but people who are trying to be skinny are hurting themselves? I can't take it anymore! It's my body and I'll be skinny if I want to." Tawni turned her back and started to walk away.

Mrs. Hart realized this was the natural reaction the specialist had warned her about. She had to be firm, but loving with her. "Listen to me. You will eat even if I have to take you back to the hospital and pay them to feed you intravenously, is that clear? I don't care if you never talk to me again, but you will eat. And, when you're strong enough, you'll start therapy sessions at one of the hospital's rehab centers. You can tell me you hate me, scream, run away even, but as long as you're my daughter and you live under my roof, that's how it's going to be."

Tawni had stopped to hear her mother out, but as soon as she was finished, Tawni stormed towards her bedroom and slammed the door. The emotion of the conversation had drained what little energy she did have. She couldn't find the strength to deliberate what to do about her mother's forcefulness. Instead, she soon found herself drifting off to sleep.

-----oOo-----

"Hey there, Mr. Hero," Sonny found Nico sitting alone on the prop room stairs. His elbows were perched upon his knees and his chin perched upon his folded hands. His gaze was intense and Sonny could guess what he was thinking.

"Man, I really wish people would stop calling me that," Nico huffed a little and shook his head as he let his arms fall.

"Well, you are," Sonny encouraged. "And sooner or later Tawni will figure that out."

"I guess" Nico shrugged. "So, uh," he hesitated. "How's she doing?"

"Well, I visited her over the weekend," Sonny started, her expression already betraying her thoughts. "You know it's been three weeks, and she's still barely spoken a word to me or her mom. Mrs. Hart said she ditched her first two self-esteem workshops at the clinic. And she said she caught her trying to work out again so she had to put the home gym under lock and key. That, of course, made her angrier," Sonny explained. She paused before letting her usual sunny disposition find the bright side. "But there is some good news. Tawni's eating normally again. She's not even really fighting it anymore. That's a great first step."

"That's wonderful," Nico let a small smile creep to the edges of his mouth.

"Exactly. So, she'll come back to us eventually. And my intuition tells me she'll bounce back sooner than we think," Sonny prided herself on knowing people. She hadn't shared it with anyone for fear of getting their hopes up, but when Sonny had visited Tawni over the weekend, she'd sensed that the old Tawni was trying to resurface, but the new Tawni was doing her best to resist. One more piece of dynamite and the walls would come crashing down.

"I hope you're right," Nico responded anxiously. "This place sure hasn't been the same without her."

The hint of pining in Nico's voice reminded Sonny of the main reason she had wanted to talk to Nico in the first place. "By the way, Mrs. Hart wanted me to give you a message. She says thanks for being the sweetest boy in the world, but they really don't have any more room to put your flowers."

"Oh, uh, right," Nico cleared his throat in embarrassment. He hadn't expected any of his cast mates to find out that he'd been sending Tawni a bouquet of daisies every day for the past three weeks.

"So, what's up with you?" Sonny eyed him suspiciously. He'd been eager about any news of Tawni, even more so than the rest of them. "That's a whole lot of daisies," Sonny was clearly accusing him of harboring feelings for their friend.

"Oh, well, you know, I just really want her to know I'm sorry," Nico finally spit out a reason. "I mean, I didn't want to hurt her when I ratted her out like that. I don't want her hating me forever or anything because of it. I never meant to destroy our friendship."

"Right…friendship," Sonny wasn't entirely convinced. "Well, you sure have an extravagant way of saying you're sorry."

"I know, I know. But Tawni really loves flowers, and I tried just about everything else. She won't answer my calls. She won't open my emails. And every time I sign on, she signs off."

"Guess you could always try a text," Sonny attempted to encourage him. She realized that between some sort of blossoming attraction to Tawni and his feelings of guilt for hanging her out to dry, he must be just as confused as Tawni was about her image. "Look, it's like we keep telling you. You don't have to be sorry for doing what you had to. Tawni might not understand right now, but one of these days she will. Don't be sorry for saving her, Nico."

'Thanks, Sonny," Nico was gracious for her ability to put things in perspective. He'd been going through a lot, thinking about Tawni over the past few weeks. It felt good to get at least some of it off of his chest. "You're a great friend."

"So are you, Mr. Hero. So are you." Sonny gave him another smile before leaving him alone again.

Nico pulled out his phone and looked at the time. He couldn't help but wonder what Tawni was doing or thinking. Was he on her mind as much as she had been on his lately? Probably not, he reasoned, unless she was thinking about how much she hated him. He sighed as he began fidgeting with the phone restlessly. Suddenly, he decided to give Sonny's suggestion a try. "I've tried everything else. Why not," Nico thought aloud. He quickly began typing the first and only thing that came to his mind.

-----oOo-----

"This is ridiculous," Tawni mumbled. She sat outside of the workshop room, arguing with herself. "They don't want to help me. They just want to make easy money spouting off the same things over and over."

Tawni's mom had threatened to sit in on the next workshop with her if she skipped one more. However, although the potentially embarrassing idea scared her, Tawni still couldn't find the nerve to open the door and join the other people who claimed to be just like her. Opening the door would be like admitting that she'd messed up. It would be like admitting that everyone else was right. And Tawni Hart always wanted to be the one who was right. Always.

However, the thought _had_ entered her mind several times since having been found out. Maybe they _were_ all right. Maybe deep down she wanted them to be right. If they were right, maybe she _was_ just sick. Maybe she wasn't just a hopeless wreck after all. "Who am I kidding," she argued again. "I'm still fa…"

Tawni's felt her leg vibrating, cutting her off. She pulled out her phone. Without even thinking to see who it was from, she read the text on her screen with wide eyes and wonder. "You're beautiful," she barely whispered.

* * *

**A/N - **Hope it was worth the wait. It's been one busy, crazy summer, but hey, that's how it should be right!?

I know 3 weeks was a big time jump in the plot line, but between lack of computer to work with on a regular basis and school starting soon, I decided if I dragged it out, I might lose interest or simply bite off more than I can chew. Don't worry though, nothing is being left out from what I originally intended. I'm still including everything I imagined, just without adding things here and there in between. That all said, there will be one more chapter.

Kudos to those who caught the reference to Demi Lovato's song, _Got Dynamite_. It's probably my favorite song from the new cd and definitely a good theme song for Tawnico ;) Too bad it's one of the only songs she didn't perform when I saw her in concert a few days ago :(


	10. Chapter 10

**AN -** Well, here it is. The final chapter. I struggled with getting the flow of this just right, and I'm sorry if anyone's disappointed with the amount of Tawnico. I wanted to keep it an integral part while making sure I didn't distract from this story still being mainly about Tawni and her eating disorder. I make reference to Demi Lovato's song _Believe In Me_ which also partly inspired me to want to write a eating disorder story to begin with. And I just want to remind everyone once again that this was just a story, and I am in no way an expert on eating disorders. Each case is different and should be handled with professional care.

I want to take this time to thank everyone who read my story. And I want to thank _AliceCullenForever101, sonnycentral, ikffrox, KSpazzed, 0TwistedAngel0, connor-rox, look at the stars, Owl Emporium, TwilightAddict111, Trickster18, have-a-cookie, , Money Stax, Madame J. Pontmercy, SparkleInTheSun, Sugar911, MaxRideRox, Mo813, Spunkalovely, JessicaJinx,_ and anyone else in the future for all of your wonderful reviews. They definitely kept me going :)

* * *

**Chapter 10**

"Hey, Grady, what'd you get for number 2…" Nico had been looking down at his Algebra book as he came into the prop room. He looked up to see if his friend was there, but almost dropped his book when he saw Tawni instead. "Tawni?" He didn't know what to think of the girl who was sitting in her usual chair, the one on the left of the sitting area. "You're back," he stated the obvious. Tawni didn't respond. He saw her bite her lip a little and assumed she hated his being in the room. "I guess I'll go find Grady," he said in order to assure her he was leaving.

"X equals 328," the sound of Tawni's voice stopped Nico in his tracks. He looked down at his algebra book, checking the answer mentally. It fit. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "I've been keeping up with the assignments," she answered before he had time to ask.

"Well, uh, thanks." Nico couldn't help but feel slightly awkward. There was silence between them for a few moments, causing the awkward tension to rise.

For Tawni, the silence was deafening as her thoughts began to swirl again. _What are you even doing here? He's the one who humiliated you in front of everyone. Don't kid yourself. He doesn't think you're beautiful. How could he? Look at you. No matter what anyone says, you'll always be…_ "No!!" Tawni finally couldn't take it anymore. She was done being silent. She was done being a victim. She looked up and saw Nico staring at her, a bit startled by her sudden outburst. "I'm the one who needs to say thanks." If the tension had been a balloon, it would have popped as the walls Tawni had built came crashing down. "Thank you for saving me." Those words were like freedom for the both of them.

"Look," Nico didn't know where to begin. "I hope you know I only confronted you in front of everyone because I was afraid you might lie again." He felt the need to explain himself fully now that she was listening.

"That's not what I meant," Tawni interrupted him. "I mean, yeah, I guess I should be grateful for that too. But I mean, thanks for everything else. The flowers, the emails, the messages you left on my phone, for not giving upeven though I was horrible to you," she paused, thinking deeply before continuing. "And most of all, thanks for the text." Nico looked at her in bewilderment. "When I read it, suddenly, the world made sense again. All of a sudden, I was Tawni Hart again. Glamorous and loved on the outside," she shared with him.

"What about the inside?"

"I'm getting there," Tawni answered honestly. "You know, it didn't even bother me that the text was from you. In fact, after I started thinking straight again, I realized that maybe I was happy it was from you."

"Since I caused this mess to begin with," Nico shook his head in shame. Tawni didn't respond, but she understood what he meant. "I promise I never would have said a thing about your eating if I'd known that I might lose you," Nico's words shocked them both a little.

"I don't blame you anymore, Nico," Tawni quickly reassured him. "You were just joking. I shouldn't have taken it so seriously."

"I'm glad to hear you say that, but I'm still sorry for all the pain it caused. I never meant it. I couldn't mean it. After all I l…" Nico realized what he was about to say and stopped before he could finish. He and Tawni looked at each other as though they both knew something they hadn't before.

Before either of them had a chance to think twice, Tawni stood to her feet and moved closer to Nico. "Thanks for everything," she said and then kissed him.

Nico stood frozen, eyes wide open. "Wow, that's some way to say thanks," he tried to regain his composure. "But, uh, won't what's his face at Mackenzie Falls be a little upset?" He asked in a teasing manner, hoping she would be okay with his joke.

"He'll just have to deal with it. And if he can't, well, my mom thinks I'm dating you anyways," Tawni played along, much to Nico's relief.

"Then maybe we shouldn't disappoint her," Nico suddenly suggested boldly. "How about dinner tonight?"

"Dinner?" Tawni repeated the question, causing Nico to think she wasn't ready or willing to be around him that much let alone in front of food. "Dinner…sounds amazing. But I have a workshop after we leave here and…"

Nico interrupted her, not about to lose his chance. "I'll take you to the workshop, I'll just wait around until it's over, and then we can go."

Tawni smiled, flattered by his eagerness. She enjoyed feeling special again. "Okay, then it's a date."

Before anything more could be said, the other _So Random!_ cast members along with Marshall came rushing in. They each took turns greeting her as Nico took a few steps back.

After having had her turn, Sonny joined Nico. She noticed the smile on his face as he watched everyone bombard Tawni as though she'd been gone for years. "I know that look. You're thinking about a pretty girl."

"Yeah," Nico nodded. "I am."

-----oOo----

"I have no idea what my mom is going to cook," Tawni said as she and Nico neared the clinic room where her bi-weekly workshops were held. After two weeks of dating, Nico was finally coming to dinner at the Hart home that night, and Tawni was more than just a little apprehensive. She was so excited, she couldn't help but worry.

"Well, as long as she knows how to work a hot closet better than you…"

"Ha, ha," she elbowed him. "Seriously, I really want it to go well."

"Given your track record for at home dates, I don't blame you," Nico teased again, but decided not to take it any further. "Don't worry. Even if the food makes me sick, it'll be a great night. Because you're Tawni Hart and I'll take you just the way you are."

"Aww, that's so sweet, but need I remind you, it was partly your fault everyone got sick," Tawni retaliated with a laugh.

"Ouch. Point taken," Nico laughed as they stopped outside the door. "Miss you already."

Tawni smiled playfully. "Duh, who wouldn't?"

"Now that's the Tawni I remember," Nico saw the old sparkle in her eyes as she blew him a kiss before disappearing into the room.

Tawni took her usual seat and waited both for the specialist to begin so she could hear what had to be said and for the class to end so she could be with Nico again. She had a hard time deciding which one she was more anxious for, proving just how far she'd really come.

The door opened slowly and Tawni was slightly surprised to see Portlyn. She stood there in hesitation before shutting it behind her and carefully taking a seat next to Tawni. For a few moments they didn't even acknowledge each other. Neither one was sure what to say other than the usual "hi" which would seem even more awkward in such a setting.

Finally, Portlyn spoke, not having the nerve to look at Tawni as she did. "Thanks for the text message."

Tawni smiled a little before turning to look at her new, unlikely comrade. "Just thought I'd give you something a little less ugly to think about," she said knowingly. _Because we're all beautiful in unusual ways._

**The End**


End file.
